Tribute to an extraordinary man, my dad: Stanislaw "Stanley" Grochowski

Today is a day that I never imagined would come. It's a day that I hoped would never happen, but here we are, gathered to celebrate my father's life and bid him farewell as he journeys on to his heavenly abode. My father, Stanislaw Grochowski, or simply known as Stasiu or Stanley, was an incredible man who played many roles - a loving father, devoted husband, caring brother, doting uncle, and a great neighbor, as many of you can attest. His presence brought joy and comfort to all those around him, and his memory will continue to do so.

 

Stanley was born in occupied Poland in 1944, during the end of World War II, amidst the turmoil of the Russian front passing through the area of his birth. As a one-year-old, he witnessed the end of the war. He grew up in the small village of Paszki Duze near Radzyn Podlaski, on the east side of the country close to the Russian border. A place deeply rooted in his family's history that can be traced back to the 16th century. His maternal grandfather, Antoni Paskudzki, was awarded the highest military decoration in the Polish Army, the Virtuti Militari Cross, when he fought against the Bolshevik Army to save Poland from communism in 1920. Stasiu was the oldest of nine siblings (three brothers and six sisters). Later in life, he moved to Lublin, where he attended Technikum (High School).

1954 Szkoła Podstawowa w Paszkach Dużych (Grammar School in Paszki Duze, Poland_1st row left)

After Lublin, he went to Wroclaw, located on the other side of Poland, in the west. There, he went to the Officer’s Academy (Szkola Wojsk Inzynieryjnych). After graduating, he decided for another change in his career, because he did not want to serve in the army that was under the communist party ruling Poland at that time. He did not support communism; in fact, he opposed it. His ancestors fought for a free, independent Poland, not for a socialist-communist country. So, he did speak against communism, and you could hear it from his mouth all the time since he was never shy to express his feelings about politics.

Eventually, he decided to settle in Zielona Gora, where he met his future wife, Barbara. That is where my sister Kasia and I were born and raised. It was also there that he pursued his dream of becoming an engineer, studying civil engineering. After becoming an engineer, he worked as the director of a construction company that built numerous new buildings in the city, including a new city train station. However, he took his greatest pride in building our family's residence on Zytnia Street. He designed and built it from the ground up with his own hands, which was quite an achievement at that time when building supplies were scarce, and even basic tools and nails were difficult to come by.

Barbara i Stanislaw Grochowscy - wedding

I can still remember our baby blue tiled kitchen with a custom polished concrete countertop surrounding the space and a pink tiled bathroom with a pink bathtub, pink lavatory, and pink bidet. There were other very "avant-garde" details incorporated into the house, such as the parquet recessed ceiling with cove lighting, custom-built concrete flower plant pots, and a spiral custom staircase in the middle of the house (which he never finished, but if you knew him, you should know that he had a lot of great ideas, and some of them had to wait their time to be finished...) Well, the house was very comfortable for our family. As a child, I had my own room which I can compare to the whole apartment I live in right now. I also remember a lot of my childhood friends coming to our house for visits to see all the custom and unusual details like the bidet or the washing boiler in the huge laundry room where clothes could be dried on ropes all day and all year long (we didn't hear about dryers in Poland until the end of the 20th century). Dad’s male friends were most envious of his garage car repair pit dug in the ground. Dad also paid huge attention to recycling and natural resources. For example, he collected rainwater in two huge cisterns underground in the backyard, which was used on hot summer days to water our garden. He believed in being independent and self-sustained. He built a chicken coop, so even if the store shelves were empty during the Martial Law years in Poland, we always had fresh eggs for breakfast or organic chicken on Sundays. We even had ducks and pigs.

Did I mention that Stanley built a huge underground basement below our entire backyard, which we called catacombs? We stored coal for the furnace we used in the fall, winter, and spring, and there were plans to open a business and grow mushrooms. Not the hallucinogenic kind, but regular mushrooms used in everyday Polish cuisine, as mushrooms are a big thing in Poland.

Dad provided us with a very comfortable house to grow up in and a very comfortable childhood. However, we didn't know at that time that he went through a lot of trouble with the ruling communist party in Poland in the 1970s and the beginning of the 1980s. He was not secretive about supporting the Solidarity movement, and he even distributed a lot of underground literature, which got him into trouble, leading to him being let go from work. So, he had to reinvent himself once again.

Thanks to his uncle Felix and his son Chester, who lived in the US, he was able to get a tourist visa to the United States and start his life all over in Chicago from scratch, with nothing, without knowing the English language, and without connections, papers, and money. He did it so he could provide us in Poland with a comfortable life and a way out to a better future.

I remember how determined he was to learn English just by listening to the radio. He never had the opportunity to go to school to study English because he had to work to support himself and send money to Poland, but he always made time for his family, friends, and God. He was very religious and remained faithful to his first parish in Chicago, Holy Trinity, until the end of his life.

So, he emigrated to the US in 1988 when he was 44 years old and settled in Chicago. He fell in love with this free country and did not want to go back to a country run by communists. Later, in the years that followed, Kasia, my mom, and I joined him in the US.

Stanisław Grochowski in Chicago, USA

In 1998, ten years after he emigrated, he purchased an old two-story house on Higgins Ave. Once he got his hands on this house, he never stopped improving it. You all know how proud he was when he was showing off what he was able to update, replace, or rebuild starting with the completely new garage for 3 cars, gutting the old house and replacing it with all new walls, floors, wires & plumbing pipes, or adding the 3rd floor and the attic. But he was mostly proud of building a connecting bridge at the 2nd level to the green roof garden on the garage and covering the front pathway with the roof all the way from the house to the sidewalk. These features of the house stand out right away and are always a good starting point for conversation with neighbors.

Stanisław Grochowski in front of his house, Chicago

This house on Higgins is now considered our home. It's where Stanley lived until his death, for 26 years, and where, surrounded by his closest family, he took his last breath, passing away and going to God.

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When I was asked to describe his attributes briefly, I quickly said he was first a family man and then a builder and a carpenter. He didn’t have much, but he was generous and selfless.

As a family, we always struggled around Christmas or his birthdays when we wanted to present him with a gift. He always said that he had everything and didn’t need anything else. He didn’t drink alcohol, he didn’t smoke, he didn’t really have any typical hobbies, and he didn’t like to eat at restaurants. To Stanley, the best restaurant was his wife’s kitchen. He didn’t care about travel, although he went to the Holy Land, Italy, Panama, Mexico, Alaska, and many more places, only because our mom made him. In his free time, he preferred to stay home and work on his house.

Stanley loved to work in his garage on Higgins

He didn’t care for music, concerts, or sports cars. He didn’t even watch TV or movies. But he loved his smartphone and Facebook!

He loved his family, his friends, his mother country Poland, and then his adopted country the USA. He was a patriot and a very religious man. He always listened to the Catholic radio EWTN (Relevant Radio). It was on 24 hours a day in his garage and always on in his car when he was driving.

Stanley is celebrating receiving his US citizenship with his family on Higgins

He always had time for his family, friends, and his parish. He never spared any money for the two parishes he belonged to: Holy Trinity and St. Constance in Chicago. He always said that others are less fortunate than we are, and he wants to help them as much as he can.

From left to right: Kasia, Stanley, Ania
Front: Basia

From left to right: Ania, Stanley, Basia, Kasia.

He hated to borrow money. He barely did it, but if he did, he always paid back as soon as he could and he never cared about small change; he would rather pay more and lose some money than gain a little and cause hardship to others. He was generous. He didn’t have much, but he always had money or time for us!

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It was only 6 months ago when many of us gathered to celebrate Dad's 80th birthday, creating cherished memories filled with love and joy. The happiness in his eyes was a testament to the impact he had on all of us. While we were aware of his illness, we never anticipated having to bid farewell so soon. His strength and spirit hid his condition as he continued to live his life to the fullest, such as driving mom to St. Constance church to celebrate his 57th wedding anniversary. Little did we know that it would be his final drive. Today, as we honor his life and the blessings he brought us, we recognize the irreplaceable void his absence has left. Dad, you will forever reside in our hearts, and we will carry your love with us always. We find solace in the hope of reuniting with you in heaven one day.

Grochowski family

Today, I stand before you to share a few special memories of my dad – memories that are particularly precious to me because they were moments we shared alone.

1. One such moment was when I was in my 20s, and I traveled to the US to visit my dad in Chicago in 1992. While Kasia and mom stayed in Poland, it was just dad and me. I stayed with him for 4 months, and during that time, he made sure that I went to school, learned English, obtained an American driver's license, found a job, and earned some money so that I could make friends and explore the US.

Stanley is picking Ania up from the airport on her first trip to the US.

2. Another cherished memory was when I accompanied him on a bus trip to Alabama with a group of parishioners from St. Constance, organized by Father Dzieszko. It was meant to be my mom on that trip, but due to an unfortunate incident, I ended up going with dad. We had an amazing time, and he proved to be the perfect travel companion – always positive, never complaining, never late, and never getting lost.

Stanley and Ania are on a trip organized by St. Constance Parish (stop at the Graceland)

3. His unwavering support and caring nature shone through another special memory when he bought a house on Higgins, ensuring that I had a home and a safe place to return to after he got a job in Florida. These are just a few of the many special moments we shared.

4. One memory stands out from last year, in May 2023, when, after fighting cancer for several years, my dad decided to pursue alternative treatment in Tijuana, Mexico. I had the privilege of accompanying him for three weeks, witnessing his unwavering determination and strength. Although I was initially skeptical, witnessing his belief in the treatment taught me a valuable lesson – to never give up on something you wholeheartedly believe in. These memories are a testament to the incredible father he was, and I will forever cherish them.

 

5. One of the most special memories I have with my dad is when he walked me down the aisle at Holy Trinity Church in Chicago. I could clearly see in his eyes how proud he was to walk with me that day. I was overjoyed that he was able to do it because we already knew he was sick. Party due to his illness he was not able to attend my engagement party few months before the wedding. It meant the world to me that he was there by my side on that important day and at last, as we took those steps together, I felt an overwhelming sense of love and support from him, and I will forever cherish that moment in my heart. His presence by my side on that day is a memory I will always hold dear. When he held my hand, I could feel how happy he was for me, and I could tell that he very much approved of Mark as his son-in-law. It was a moment filled with his love and blessing, and I will forever treasure that beautiful memory.

In memory of my dad, let us take a moment to reflect on the unique qualities that made him such a special person in our lives. His kindness, generosity, and unwavering loyalty were just a few of the many attributes that endeared him to us all. As we remember my dad today, let us cherish these qualities and strive to embody them in our own lives, ensuring that his spirit lives on through our actions and the love we share with one another.